Keisha worked with creative mentor, Hannah Salt, to write Trans-Rachel. A poem that explores the idea of trans-racial identities inspired by Rachel Dolezal. Using verbatim lines from a series of interviews, Keisha imagined what it would be like for her to embody the trans-racial story as a black woman.
Trans-Rachel
(Inspired by vertabim lines from Rachel Dolezal interviews)
I’ve had a lot of people ask “Are you black or white?”
This is not a costume
I don’t know spiritually and metaphysically
How this goes
But I do know that from my earliest memories
I’ve had an awareness and an connection
With the white experience
It’s not something that I can put on and take off
And no I’m not confused
I think the world might be but I am not
I’ve had a lot of people ask “Are you black or white?”
From age five I was drawing self-portraits
with the peach crayon instead of the brown one
and with long blonde locks
In my family I’ve been socially conditioned to not own those ideas
They resisted my want to express myself
The people who raised me are both black
I know that but
There has definitely been some creative non-fiction
There are no medical witnesses to my birth
Honestly I never saw a picture of my “mum” when she was pregnant
I’ve had a lot of people ask “Are you black or white”
And I identify as white
Then they’ll say “So are you Caucasian?”
I wouldn’t say I am Caucasian
But I would say I am white
There is a huge difference
I’ve really gone there with the experience
I’m the mother of two white sons
(Yes I adopted them)
But you ask them the same question
They said racially I am human and culturally I am white
I’ve always wanted to wait for my sons to be adults
Before publically discussing the complexity of my identity
It is a shame that it was thrust upon me
I was right in the middle of an interview for the news
One second I’m explaining my stance on immigration
The next the guy whips out a picture of my dad and asks if he’s an immigrant
I said “No, he is British” and then he asked if he is White British
I just didn’t understand the question
I’ve done a lot of research and a lot of studying
I just feel like I didn’t mislead anybody
I’ve always had a connection with whiteness as an aesthetic
I’ve definitely experimented with my hair
I used to practise on my Barbie doll
Then fantasise about how I would
Look when I grew up to be a white woman
I’ve had lot of people ask “Are you black or white”
And I identify as white
Then they’ll ask “But when are you going back to being black?”
Or “What will happen if you get rejected by the white community?”
But this is about me being me
I understand that many white women are enraged
Yes my husband is Caucasian
Some might say that I’ve stolen one of their good men
But they don’t know me
They don’t know what I’ve walked through
And how hard it is
I can honestly say that I feel white guilt
You know I am just an innocent woman
Trying to raise her two white sons
Some people judge me because of my choices
They assume that I prefer the white race
Over any other, they think I’m racist
That is so oppressive
I can honestly say that
I have never knowingly exploited my privilege
I’ve had a lot of people ask “Are you black or white”
And I identify as white
I definitely am not black
Nothing about being black describes what I am
I am more white than I am black
I’ve had a lot of people ask “Are you black or white”
And no matter how many times I reply
It just doesn’t seem to be working
Whenever I cook something it gets labelled as ethnic
And my friends still describe my fashion as urban
Too often people put their hands in my hair just to see how it feels
Or to check if it is real
And when I roll my eyes they says I don’t need to have so much attitude
In the clubs I get a lot of attention
Too many girls think that I can teach them how to twerk
I think the most annoying was when
I got stopped by the police
I was like “I’m sorry officer but you must be confused
I actually identify as white so you really don’t need to bother”
But it just didn’t seem to work
He asked me to get out of my car
So he could sniff my breath
And then he asked me are you “black or white”
I identify as white
People ask if I change my complexion
It’s quite simple
I just stay out of the sun as much as I can
I certainly don’t use anything with hydroquinone
I only ever used healthy skin lighteners
The ones that are medically certified in Japan
Some days I might use a paler foundation
And I always make sure my house is quite cool in temperature
I don’t need any blood rushing to my skin
You know I’ve really had to go there with the experience
I’m just trying to celebrate myself
The word disguise has been put out there
But that is hurtful
It sounds intentional and constructed
But this is just how I feel beautiful
I just want to feel beautiful